I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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