It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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