we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
