using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He passed out mid-signature
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
