i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is my gift to your gina
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dear god my vagina.
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