Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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