i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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