he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
