how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
