like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
