you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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