Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
