the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
