i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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