I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you win again, gameday.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
