I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
