Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
