So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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