Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
