I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
