I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize