Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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