call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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