turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
