i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
