ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
