I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
