Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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