dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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