party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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