What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
