somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
