I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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