I'm drive I can fine osifer
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
