i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
