I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
