Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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