Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
