Where is the hickey?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Randomize
