glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
