I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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