he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
