I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
