I hate all girls vehemently.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
