you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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