Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
