8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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