why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
