I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
