u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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