I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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