I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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