One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize