I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
