I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize