ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
