I can text with my tongue
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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