Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
