I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
