I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
