Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
