i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Who died my cat blue again?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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