I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize