I swear god or herbie drove my car home
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's get the cat blown out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
