Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
