So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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