I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
