he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
